all-of-me


Blessings

Jun. 04, 2002 * 11:29 a.m.


I went to Michigan for a long weekend, dragging my honey along with me, of course. The school I went to for most of my childhood had a big reunion weekend for all alumni, and I decided to cram in as much as humanly possible in the three days we were there.

Shortly after we got in, we picked up my ex-step-children from school. I was nervous about seeing my ex, since my stomach turns inside out every time I even talk to her on the phone, but miraculously she wasn't there, as she said she would be. The first of many blessings on my trip. We took them to dinner, where I bestowed gifts upon them, including a home planetarium and a magnetic dart board. Their soccer game was rained out, so we took them back to the hotel to play. I was nervous about this for many reasons, including the fact that I haven't seen them in a year (and entertaining a 7- and 9-year old isn't easy to begin with), and about how my girlfriend would get along with them. Enter the second blessing on my trip. They got along fabulously, and we had way too much fun. We had a darts tournie, a planetarium show, wrestled on the bed till we giggled hysterically, played spy-superheroes, took photos, and went for ice cream. We also had breakfast with them on Saturday and played in the park, tying shoes together and playing tag and whatnot. It was so good to be with them again. Still, it was bittersweet. (The situation, not the ice cream.) I miss them so much, and I am no longer a part of their lives. Sure, we talk on the phone and write letters occasionally, but I used to be a part of their daily lives - I used to be a parent. Now I'm not. I want my own, but there will always be a small hole in my life (or two) where these kids were. I did get a glimpse of how my partner and I might parent together, though, and I was quietly thrilled.

Then we went and met my friend Q, which was nice, since I hadn't seen her in an age. They got along well, but I knew they would anyway.

The next day was spent running around trying to pull together the alumni theatre production, which consisted of me and one other alumna, due to last-minute drop-outs. There wasn't even a program. I was sure it would just seem lame. We rounded up a couple students to perform, passing it off as a "Past and Present" sort of thing, I designed a program, and no one was the wiser. More blessings. I got so many compliments on my performance that I may put more effort into getting re-involved in theatre, even if it's local. I made my girlfriend and my mom cry. I love to make girls cry. :) I had dinner with an old friend before the show, and went for drinks with friends after the show. My girl gave me a rose, and then I got lucky. (Euphemistically, of course, since I consider myself quite fortunate in general.)

Oh, and one of my best friends whom I haven't seen in years just showed up out of the blue. (There weren't that many people at the weekend's events, so it was definitely another blessing.) We spent a beautiful day outside, touring the campus, watching the alumni soccer game, and eating free ice cream from the Good Humor truck.

Perhaps the most miraculous part of the trip was the lunch/dinner we had with my mother, my sister, and one of my brothers. I adore my mother, and these are my favorite siblings of the four I have, despite the fact that I don't see them often because they think their children might become gay if they're exposed to lesbians, which has been a sore point. (The other two are complete fuck-ups and I don't really miss them.) The miracle is that we haven't been in a room together in years, and I don't think we've ever been in a room together where there wasn't arguing, putting down my mother (which I hate), or everyone's negative side surfacing exclusively. This was somehow a really normal, fun family outing. These were the brother and sister that I used to love unabashedly. We talked, we laughed, we reminisced, and there was no tension whatsoever. I realize that they may have been on good behavior for my partner, but I didn't care. I was glad for my mother too. She's always trying to get everyone together, to make peace, to be a family, to no avail. I think this was the greatest blessing of all, and one I couldn't have forseen.

The alumni dinner/dance was kind of lame, but my girl patiently looked through yearbooks with me, which I haven't done in ages, since mine went missing. And, of course, I caught up with old friends.

I don't think I could have asked for a better trip. And now I am exhausted. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. I reconnected with a world I struggled to leave behind me, and it has taken its toll. But the biggest blessing of all...I am home. With my love. In our house. With our pets. And our garden. And I am rich, beyond measure.

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WHAT'S IN MY CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW:
Suite for Flute & Jazz Piano
LATEST SWEET THING MY SWEET THANG DID FOR ME:
Bought us Chinese for dinner, then emptied the dishwasher while I snoozed on the couch.
WHAT I'M WEARING TODAY:
Beige stretchy jeans, heavy white cotton oxford, copper & brass earrings.

yesterday ><((((> tomorrow